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"The Night Before Christmas" and the ACLU

The classic poem, "The night Before Christmas" was written in 1823 by Clement Clarke Moore. This version is copied form a long-forgotten source, with apologies to Mr. Moore!

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

There was Santa again, on his annual journeys,

Ensnared in a group of eight tiny attorneys.

They looked pretty grim, and they threatened to sue,

So we knew in a flash – It's the “ACLU!'”

They paid us no heed, but went straight to their work,

Handcuffing poor Santa, then said with a smirk:

“This is secular airspace, we can't have a saint flying our flightpaths.

We need some restraint.

A sleigh full of toys is OK, we suppose,

But faith-based incursions we've got to oppose.”

Litigation on Christmas is something we dread,

So we nestled our children all under their beds.

The Grinch doesn't scare them,

And Scrooge they see through,

But what kids are prepared for the ACLU?

The reindeer were shackled as a further incitement,

Then the lawyers unpackaged a 12-count indictment.

“Merry Christmas to all!”

They just had to foreclose.

(Though they had no complaint

About all the “Ho Ho’s'”).

One lawyer objected to Santa's red clothing.

“It's religiously tainted,”

He said with some loathing.

“Poinsettias (the red ones)

Everybody must note, are

A church-state offense in St. Paul, Minnesota!”

Santa's climb up each chimney

(one lawyer made mention),

Is a symbolic reference to Jesus’ ascension.

And the reindeer, of course, recall the Apostles,

And those who deny it are nothing but fossils.

These lawyers had labored at neighborhood schools,

Making Christmas extinct there as part of the rules.

Praise Kwaanza or Ramadan – They think it's quite splendid,

But say “Merry Christmas”

And you might get suspended.

Our children, G-d bless them, don't get or recall

Why “inclusiveness” doesn't include them at all,

Why diversity theory (as the lawyers insist) must

Require the annual quashing of Christmas.

–Copied many years ago, source forgotten–

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