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•I started out with nothing, I still have most of it.

•When did my wild oats turn into prunes and All-Bran?

•I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

•Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.

•All reports are in, life us now officially unfair.

•If all is lost, where is it?

•It’s easier to get older, than to get wiser.

•If all is lost where is it?

•I tried to “get a life” once, but they were out of stock.

•I went to school to become a “wit.” I only got half-way through.

•Some days you’re the dog, other days the hydrant.

•I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few.

•A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

•It’s not the pace of life that concerns me, it’s the sudden stop at the end.

•It’s not hard to make a comeback if you’ve never been anywhere.

•The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

•If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have out them on my knees.

•When you’re finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess.

•If you’re living on the edge, make sure you’re wearing a seatbelt.

•A closed mouth gathers no feet.

•Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which we can die.

•It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.


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