Are you tired of making the same old resolutions year after year that you never keep? Here are some resolutions you can actually keep!
•Gain weight, at least 30 pounds.
•Eat more dessert.
•Sleep at least 12 hours a day.
•Stop exercising.
•Read fewer books.
•Watch more television.
•Procrastinate more, starting tomorrow.
•Refuse to date Miss America.
•Spend more time at work.
•Take several vacations.
•Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
•Eat out more.
•Get in a whole new rut.
•Buy an ‘83 Cadillac, tint the windows, put fur on the dash, and install an extra loud stereo system.
•Not have 8 children this year.
•Not get in a boxing match with Mike Tyson.
