Kids say the darnedest things!

October 6, 2016

 

Nudity: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in a convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock. I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”

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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing for towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then he asked, “What’s the matter haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”

 

Honesty: My four-year-old son Zachary, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he had dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the trash. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then he ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one away too, cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.”

 

Ketchup: A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During the struggle the phone rang, so she asked her four-year-old to answer the phone. “It’s the minister mommy,” the child said to her mother, then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone, she’s hitting the bottle.”

 

Elderly: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The toot fairy will never believe this.”

 

Death: While working along the sidewalk I front of the church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayer, and with great dignity he intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and into the holy he goes.

 

Education: A five-year-old of our acquaintance was complaining to his mother about having to study history in kindergarten. He said to his mom, “Why do have to study history?” She said, “because you will need it when you grow up.” To which he replied, “No I won’t, I’ll just Google it like you and dad do.”

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A little girl who had just finished her first week of school, said, “I’m just wasting my time, I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk.”

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On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother, it read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

 

Bible: A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that has been pressed between the pages. ”Mama, look what I found!” the little boy called out. ”What do you have there, dear?” With astonishment in his voice he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear.”

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